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The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope
PDF Download The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope
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Product details
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Audible Audiobook
Listening Length: 6 hours and 13 minutes
Program Type: Audiobook
Version: Unabridged
Publisher: christianaudio.com
Audible.com Release Date: May 30, 2014
Whispersync for Voice: Ready
Language: English
ASIN: B00KO83T24
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
Best book I have ever read about the subject. Therapeutic for women in this situation and perfect for individuals seeking to be a helpful and non-judgemental friend.
Where to start....I think this is my first book review. I just finished reading this book. I am an atheist, I am a man who has wronged his marriage and his wife. I am trying to gain an understanding about myself so I can better myself and better my marriage. I have been searching for many answers from various philosophies of life. I found Christianity to be the most forgiving, compassionate and hopeful (if you are willing and able to be honest with yourself) . This book in contrast to the Lundy Bancroft book was more encouraging for me. Bancroft, in my opinion, portrays the worst and offers little hope for men who have been abusive. Maybe it was meant to shock and awe women who suffer from abusive men to rightfully act, if so, then the Bancroft book is great for that.In fact I gave the Bancroft book to a friend of mine who is tormented daily by a man who checks off "all the boxes" in the Bancroft book. Hope for redemption of myself and potentially my marriage came from the Vernick book. Bancroft reminded me of Dante entering Hell and reading the sign "abandon all hope, you who enter here." Vernick gave me hope, if I was willing to see my truths and listen.Vernick's book provides some useful "self checklists" (CORE in the book) for both men and women to employ. It also gives guidance on how to continue to provide constructive feedback to your spouse. There is forgiveness and redemption in truth. The book is written for the women who are or have suffered from abuse, but it still helped me understand myself and to understand what my wife has been going through.Before any of these books can help, you need to let honesty and truth in. If you cannot examine yourself, the good and the bad, then none of these books will ever help. Of course this book was written for believers of Christianity, but I think the message within this book transcends that and can be applied by all people.Overall, a book of hope, truth and forgiveness for those that want to better themselves and potentially their marriage.
I found this book literally after crying out to God one day to just lead me to the truth about my marriage. I was so emotionally torn after receiving advice from Christian friends to just hang in there, keep forgiving and keep trying to be the wife my husband wants, vs. a Christian therapist telling me I needed to make my husband face consequences for his abuse. I thought for 14 years God wanted me to turn the other cheek, submit, and love without conditions. This not only enabled my husband to continue with his abusive behavior, but it also made me start to turn away from God. I felt like God loved my husband and his needs far more than He loved me, to the point that He expected me to put up with disrespect, berating, name calling, being ignored all the time, being treated like nothing more than an object, some physical abuse, the list goes on.So I found this book after doing just one Google search and I read what I could of what was inside of it through Amazon's Look Inside feature. I literally wept the hardest I have in my life when I read the first two chapters stating that God loves me and didn't want this kind of marriage for me or any other woman. That what I was dealing with was not what a marriage should be and God didn't expect me to put up with it. It was the first time I had ever heard this and it was like being freed from a prison cell.I bought this book and had it overnighted. Once I got it I could not put it down. I had no idea what the extent was of the abuse I was dealing with until I read this book. I felt so understood-- for once! -- and received much more love and encouragement from Leslie's words than I ever received from the church's many teachings that women must love and forgive their husbands no matter what.Leslie not only helps you identify what is going on in your marriage, but she helps you to figure out how to deal with it in a Godly way. She tells you that allowing someone to hurt you over and over without being accountable is not loving them, that it's living by fear instead of faith, and that it keeps the abuser from becoming the person God created them to be. If you will not speak the truth to them about their behavior, you are not loving them well. She shows you how to apply consequences in a healthy way, and what to do if setting boundaries with your abusive spouse do not work. If his heart won't change, what you can do next.This book saved my life. I think if I had no found it I would have continued putting up with abuse until the day I died, and thinking God didn't give a rip about me. I would have lost the one love I did have in my life, Jesus, because of the wrong picture the church paints of Him and how He views married women.If you are in an abusive marriage, please read this book, and draw closer to Jesus as you find out how He really feels about you and what you've been going through. Seek Godly counsel to help you apply what Leslie teaches you, which is totally in line with the Bible. She does not twist scripture around. She cites verses in their true context.If you are a Christian counselor, pastor or friend, please do not tell women who are with husbands who consistently talk down to them, break their hearts, disrespect them and treat them like an object that all they have to do is try harder and he'll come around. Read this book and become educated about something that is very misunderstood in the Church, and has been hurting Christian wives for far too long.I thank God for answering my prayer, for leading me to the truth found in this book, and for loving me enough to do so.
This book does four important things:1. Wakes a woman up to the reality of her marriage (it's not healthy vs. her dream of what it could/should be) - an important first step in getting help.2. Validates what she is going through (she isn't making it up in her head) and offers compassionate understanding and assessment.3. Shows her what she is doing to enable the toxic cycles of abuse to continue.4. Exposes the lies she is believing that keep her in the cycle.5. Gives her the essential and practical tools to break out of the cycles.The test at the beginning of the book helps you discern whether or not you are living in an emotionally destructive marriage - and what TYPE of ED marriage it is. (There are several.)I also love the teaching about building your CORE. (Get the book and find out what that acronym stands for!!) Having a strong CORE is what will enable you to break free by the Grace of God at the Center of who you are.I read this book within 24 hours and am coming back to buy a bunch to give away.If you or someone you know lives with a passive-aggressive type person, I highly recommend this book along with Who's Pushing Your Buttons?: Handling the Difficult People in Your Life by Dr. John Townsend. Both are eye-opening, hope-drenched, and VERY practical.
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